It’s Richie’s birthday, I wont get drunk,cry or misbehave much, I also forgive his killer

This year, I wont be feeling mentally unstable, I wont be horrid to anyone and I will laugh.

last year I made a woman feel uncomfortable she was not a great friend just a nosy person trying to say the right things but I was hurting and feeling mean I wanted to lash out at someone and there she was my victim.

A lot has happened between last year and this. The first big change I have completed my Masters degree, I have just secured a fantastic internship with a leading production company and I write for a great online newspaper.

One of the things I wanted to do in tribute for my lovely funny, dimples in cheek son was to better myself. I think I have succeeded.

So come on I think to myself, come on don’t be horrible, don’t be TOO sad, don’t make people feel uncomfortable it’s not their fault, in fact Delores if you don’t know them don’t talk about it.

My real friends and Richie’s friends understand,and I understand them. He was not an angel, he was not perfect, he was naughty, he made me laugh out loud, I wanted to strangle him (ironic).

We used to have a game called Jabba the Hut, the first person to say “Jabba the Hut wants his arse back when you’ve finished using it as your face” was the winner and we would laugh hysterically trying to get the words out before the other.

I remember us doing it in the hospital where he was being treated for cancer, I straddled him and held his arms down whilst screaming it in his face, we couldn’t stop laughing.

For a long time I used to stand at my front room window and wish with all my heart that this was just a bad dream, I would close my eyes and count to 100 and pray with all my heart that when I opened my eyes he would be standing there. I really meant it. I promised that I would not be angry with him for going away for so long and we would start all over again.  The disappointment was horrendous he never was there. I believed in magic, but it didn’t believe in me.

He did not die of cancer, he was killed in a medical accident at Great Ormond Street Hospital. Jon lee Richie’s doctor on the day, had never done chemotherapy before and did not know what he was doing, he injected the deadly poison and chemotherapy drug Vincristine into Richie’s spine. It should have gone into his arm. It killed him. I forgave Jon Lee, but I didn’t like him and still don’t, but I had to forgive or I would have gone mad.

The only thing that annoys me still is the fact that we have moved on and his sister that he was close to has a family of her own and he would have been delighted, he would have been a fantastic uncle.

I take consolation that Richie’s case is used all over the world to highlight negligence and care in medicine and a new needle was invented so the drug Vincristine can’t be injected straight into the spine.

Here are few of there comments that Richie’s friends left on a picture of him on facebook

Zoe Murray

awwww big hugs Di his memory still lives on funny enough me and my sister were talking about him the other day! Me her and Rich thought we were gonna be on crimewatch for trying smoking we thought the cctv may of caught us and we were all trying to stay up late to catch crimewatch to make sure we wernt on it!!! Miss the good old days things aint the same anymore. lots of love let us know when his b day is ill have a drink for him
Donna Wright Brodie Awww richie what a gr8 lad and that party trick he did with his eyes…… Wonder if he could of still done that today use to scare all us girls………good times Xxxxxxx
Zoe Murray Remember he always used to turn up on Girls night and Mary would let him in lol
Caroline McArdle lol he was a mischievous sausage!
Danielle Bridle Jus as i remember him.. Big cheeky smile .. Love ya rich xx
Stacey Lochhead He was so handsome gone but never forgotten xx

These are a few other young boys and in the montage woman who have been killed and lost to their parents, I want to remember them as well. The young man in uniform is called Anthony Walker who was murdered in a brutal fashion on the day before the anniversary of Richies death, in a way it helped me because I couldn’t stop thinking of Anthonys mother and family who suffer. I hope they are all friends in heaven and looking out for their mothers and fathers smoothing our tears away and sending us love


4 thoughts on “It’s Richie’s birthday, I wont get drunk,cry or misbehave much, I also forgive his killer

  1. Dolores, I have had this open all morning. I have read it, sat and thought and then walked away only to return to read again. It is heartbreaking, both in the loss of a beloved son and in your on-going journey to honor him with your life.

    I kept coming back because I couldn’t find the words that would honor both of you. So I can only say to you I am sorry. I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry it was a senseless mistake due to the ignorance of a doctor because this makes it so very much worse.

    My hope for you is your life will continue to be a promise as you have already made it. That you will be able to come to this day each year and honor Richie’s memory with your accomplishments. I wish for you that over time this day will pass without as much pain, though I don’t believe it will ever be without any I wish it will someday be bittersweet instead.

    All I can say Delores is I am so sorry.

    • Thank you so much for your lovely welcome words, so kind it was very difficult over the years, but I felt if I didn’t do something there would be no point in living and what would be the point of even having a child that was so lovely if I couldn’t honor him in some way.

  2. I knew that you had lost Richie…but i guess I assumed it was in an auto accident or something. A loss is a loss and I don’t know why it was different as I read this story….but it was different. It made my stomach feel as if it had dropped….I can’t even imagine the emotions that you have had to journey through to get where you are today. Congratulations on your covered distance and accomplishments. Most of all…thank you for your words and your experiences and your talent that you share with us everyday. Love you.

    • Robyn.
      Thank you for understanding, I wish I could blog without the experience of losing Richie but I must be honest Richie dying made me see all my mistakes and the least I could do for the lovely child was try and correct them. xx

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