It started after Richie died. I swear everything around me stopped, it was like a scene from the matrix, I was walking but nobody else was, I stared into peoples faces because I couldn’t believe they could not feel what I felt. Richie was dead and the whole world had changed.
I got rid of all my clocks and decided I did not want a watch. I did not understand the concept of time anymore, yet I counted everyday from the day of his death. 1 day since Richie died, 2 days since Richie died, 3 days since Richie died, 8 days since Richie died, 29 days since Richie died.
15 years since Richie died.
I love my Master course, I love it as much as Richie. It is my love.
The first thing taken away in my life which was so unfair and beyond my control was my education, and of course the big one. Richie.
Last week I missed two appointments because I don’t keep an eye on time.
I have lost jobs, and even friends. Saying that Sainsburys were brilliant with me, I was working for them when Richie died, they pretended they wanted me to clear out a huge storage shed, but is was my crying cabin, they left me alone and didn’t say one word about me coming in when I wanted and leaving when I wanted. I had to leave eventually though about three months after Richie died a woman manager who did not have any children, told me it was time to pull myself together and stop pissing her off. So I did, I left. I hear she got married and had two children later, I hope she never has to go through the pain of losing a child and being told to pull herself together in less than 3 months.
But thank you sainsburys.
I think though it is time for me to get it together and buy a watch and become reliable again. I have a diary now which I carry everywhere with me. I have started filling it with things that interest me and which I feel I would like to participate in.
I am reclaiming time again, it is time for Richie to get out of my face and stand by my side, Richie on one side and my education on the other , my diary in my bag and a clear view of my future.