Two years ago I went on holiday with a friend and whilst sitting around one evening she asked me if I had ever known true love. The question was such a shock, I couldn’t stop crying, I mean really crying, sobbing, gasping.
When I was a young girl I didn’t get a lot of love, I had to find it where I could. I made terrible mistakes and made some very early love mistakes including meeting my first love and getting pregnant at 17 and having a second one at 18 by the same mental, violent woman hating man. No love there then.
Next came Victor I was quite happy in my own silly way. He didn’t beat me up he just robbed banks instead.I didn’t complain though I really believed him when he said he was going to work. I had sort of grown up by then and went to college and decided to try to get a better job. It was all quite successful and I made a decision to have another child, a love child that would never see me hit, hurt, crying or upset. It worked.
Readers of my blogs will know that 12 years later my love child Richie was killed in an accident. So he didn’t see any pain. I did instead.
I loved Victor, our love would never have lasted because I was more intelligent than him and we soon had nothing in common but I have known love he was good to me and loved me. After Richie died though we fell out with each other and didn’t speak for nearly 5 years.
But I didn’t really have any trouble getting guys and I guess if I wasn’t so fussy I would not be lonely and would have a lover.
I am suffering financially and I’m lonely. I had a nightmare last night and the really sad thing is I have no man to talk to. That sounds as if I want a man for his money but I don’t money’s not everything (it would help though)
I want a man who I can wrap my arms around, I want to put my head on his hairy chest, I want to feel his muscly arms. I want to kiss him, late at night I want to talk to him and snuggle in. I want to put my legs over his. I want to wake up and make love, I want Sundays to be our special day, stay in bed and have breakfast, watch stuff on Catch up TV all the things you do with your best friend and lover
.I don’t want to hear any negative remarks. If I mention it to some women I can end up getting really annoyed when they say things like, “Oh I don’t want a man I’m happy on my own.” well you might be but I’m not. I’m lonely, I want love.