I have scrubbed toilets with tears running down my face, crying for my dead son.

This literally is the start of a new part of my life. After a very hard start to life with all its ups and downs abusive parents, domestic violence, my childhood sweetheart becoming addicted to crack cocaine, and the death of our love child. I can’t emphasise how much I look forward to starting University this autumn.

I have scrubbed toilets with tears running down my face mourning my son, because even though he was dead I still had to earn money. I would also listen to Handel’s Hallelujah choir, full blast on their stereo when they left me alone, the family were involved in the building of the Greenwich Dome and also very involved in the Docklands Light Railway. Thank you Mr and Mrs Quarmby I will be studying classical music as part of the course.

I was an intelligent child but was forced out of school and that was it, I realize that to achieve you have to have some sort of mentor or someone to look up too and I had none of these things, so before I knew it I had two children by the most violent man, who I realize now hated woman and life and anything nice, he used to hate me laughing and having friends.

I loved school, I was free there, I could write my stories and people told me that they loved them; I could draw the mental pictures that I suppose were the reflection of what was going on with life at home with the parents.

I remember finding a book on shorthand, I must have been about 10, I actually tried to teach myself, on my course I will be learning shorthand. I have read every book Charles Dickens ever wrote, I read Homer and when cleaning one house that belonged to a very rich banker I saw it on his bookcase, he was sitting at his desk, I spoke aloud “I’ve read that”, he lazily looked around and asked which book, when I said Homer he looked at me and asked “What all of it?” I remember thinking what a stupid question, of course all of it. From that moment I was his special cleaner, he took his photograph albums out and showed me all his pictures from Greece. And for the rest of the time that I cleaned for him he would leave magazines for me that he thought that I would be interested in. Mr Quantrano, thank you. I will be studying the classics at Goldsmiths as part of my course.

I would walk home from school with the innocence of childhood and wade through the leaves; I would look up at the sky and love the fat clouds of an autumn afternoon. Everything looked gold and red and brown, and I would love the birds singing, watching the squirrels gathering nuts and pretending the caps from acorns were hats made for fairies. I loved old London Buildings that seemed to be have been there forever, they were there before me and will be there after me. The sunshine of the autumn when it shines brightly through the clouds like a spot light on whatever it hits, I would love the silence before the hustle and bustle of rush hour and the silence of the streets as most children had reached home and were having their tea. I would sit on the doorstep it gave me my love of reflection. I have been lost in the harsh reality of life and thought I would never get it back, but as I step through the doors of Goldsmith University I know that God has given me back my life and I can reclaim what is truly my right, my education. I will get my innocence back, no more mourning, I will kick those leafs as high as I can, I will collect acorn caps and leave them for the fairies and I will get a colourful umbrella and twirl it as I walk down the road, as I did as a child. I’ll twirl the umbrella when I’m alone I don’t want people to think I’m mad, even though I am.



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