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I have a confession.
Time stopped when Richie died
I’m unreliable.
It started after Richie died. I swear everything around me stopped, it was like a scene from the matrix, I was walking but nobody else was, I stared into peoples faces because I couldn’t believe they could not feel what I felt. Richie was dead and the whole world had changed.
I got rid of all my clocks and decided I did not want a watch. I did not understand the concept of time anymore, yet I counted everyday from the day of his death. 1 day since Richie died, 2 days since Richie died, 3 days since Richie died, 8 days since Richie died, 29 days since Richie died.
15 years since Richie died.
I love my Master course, I love it as much as Richie. It is my love.
The first thing taken away in my life which was so unfair and beyond my control was my education, and of course the big one. Richie.
Last week I missed two appointments because I don’t keep an eye on time.
I have lost jobs, and even friends. Saying that Sainsburys were brilliant with me, I was working for them when Richie died, they pretended they wanted me to clear out a huge storage shed, but is was my crying cabin, they left me alone and didn’t say one word about me coming in when I wanted and leaving when I wanted. I had to leave eventually though about three months after Richie died a woman manager who did not have any children, told me it was time to pull myself together and stop pissing her off. So I did, I left. I hear she got married and had two children later, I hope she never has to go through the pain of losing a child and being told to pull herself together in less than 3 months.
But thank you sainsburys.
I think though it is time for me to get it together and buy a watch and become reliable again. I have a diary now which I carry everywhere with me. I have started filling it with things that interest me and which I feel I would like to participate in.
I am reclaiming time again, it is time for Richie to get out of my face and stand by my side, Richie on one side and my education on the other , my diary in my bag and a clear view of my future.
Don’t Judge A Book By It’s Cover.
All over the BBC and international news are sensational stories. Gareth Williams the MI6 agent who was found dead in a bag. The rioters, the X list celebs we can’t stand. Four weeks ago I did some court reporting, I went along to see Laura Johnson stand trial for rioting, she was involved in the riots in Catford and the surrounding areas. I wanted to see her go to jail and be punished for coming into Catford where I live and ruining my well-being. It opened my eyes. What you read in the papers is not the whole truth, you get the sanitation, the edited version, what you read is not what you see. I went along to see justice done,I did see justice done Laura and her cohorts were found guilty and will be punished, but I don’t hate her anymore, I’m not annoyed with her anymore, she has a story as we all do. I listened to the most personal parts of her life, whether she liked it or not and I saw the complex human being that she is as we all are. I like her.
I went to the inquest of Gareth Williams, the spy and listened to his friends and family talk about him, he was a real person who lived a boring normal life and died in extraordinary circumstances but he was just like me and you. Weird, normal, boring. And he liked being tied up.
I like “My thing” It’s a secret, unless I die and it’s found out. No chance.
If you are interested in a prominent court case and have the day off go to the trial, you can go to any court room in the land, go to the public gallery and have a front row seat. I’m not saying you are going to end up liking everybody, but you may surprise yourself. Turn your phone off in court though, or you could end up in the dock yourself.
The saying “Never judge a book by its cover” has never for me been more real.
http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/top_stories/9628745.Jury_out_in_millionaire_s_daughter_riot_trial/
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/may/02/gareth-williams-death-mi6
He didn’t beat me up, he just robbed banks instead. Where is the love?
Two years ago I went on holiday with a friend and whilst sitting around one evening she asked me if I had ever known true love. The question was such a shock, I couldn’t stop crying, I mean really crying, sobbing, gasping.
When I was a young girl I didn’t get a lot of love, I had to find it where I could. I made terrible mistakes and made some very early love mistakes including meeting my first love and getting pregnant at 17 and having a second one at 18 by the same mental, violent woman hating man. No love there then.
Next came Victor I was quite happy in my own silly way. He didn’t beat me up he just robbed banks instead.I didn’t complain though I really believed him when he said he was going to work. I had sort of grown up by then and went to college and decided to try to get a better job. It was all quite successful and I made a decision to have another child, a love child that would never see me hit, hurt, crying or upset. It worked.
Readers of my blogs will know that 12 years later my love child Richie was killed in an accident. So he didn’t see any pain. I did instead.
I loved Victor, our love would never have lasted because I was more intelligent than him and we soon had nothing in common but I have known love he was good to me and loved me. After Richie died though we fell out with each other and didn’t speak for nearly 5 years.
But I didn’t really have any trouble getting guys and I guess if I wasn’t so fussy I would not be lonely and would have a lover.
I am suffering financially and I’m lonely. I had a nightmare last night and the really sad thing is I have no man to talk to. That sounds as if I want a man for his money but I don’t money’s not everything (it would help though)
I want a man who I can wrap my arms around, I want to put my head on his hairy chest, I want to feel his muscly arms. I want to kiss him, late at night I want to talk to him and snuggle in. I want to put my legs over his. I want to wake up and make love, I want Sundays to be our special day, stay in bed and have breakfast, watch stuff on Catch up TV all the things you do with your best friend and lover
.I don’t want to hear any negative remarks. If I mention it to some women I can end up getting really annoyed when they say things like, “Oh I don’t want a man I’m happy on my own.” well you might be but I’m not. I’m lonely, I want love.
Cycling on the Thames Path In Greenwich London you might come across an elephant
I love living in London and one of the best ways of getting around is by bike you will see things that you can stop and have a good look at whereas if you are in your car because of the many parking restrictions it is very nearly impossible to stop. I cycled from my home in Catford to the o2 on the Greenwich Peninsula. I am starting a cycling club with afternoon rides for people who come to London and would like a more adventurous plan for an afternoon or days cycling and getting people out of their comfort zone and seeing parts of London that they would not see. This cycle path is a nice easy ride and for the not so fit you could finish your ride at the o2 or just a little further up The Thames Barrier and get the Thames Clipper back into central London. Bikes are allowed I did my research. If you are coming to London and would like to meet up with me. please drop me a line and I’ll arrange a ride, I have spare bikes.
My degree and education are everything to me
I was forced out of school at 15 by parents who didn’t care. I knew that I could have done a lot better for myself but the only jobs I could get was catering and cleaning. I used to have dreams about going back to school. I had no confidence and low self-esteem.
Four years ago whilst serving customers in the restaurant by now in my middle forties I decided to go back to education. I am now at Goldsmiths University studying M.A Radio, Media Law and Ethics, I write features and plays I am apparently a star pupil and have finally found my place. I give my features to local radio stations and interview people that would not have given me time of day before. Some degrees are useless, but you can’t just say that they are all useless, when I pass I will be able to apply for jobs that were out of reach, I want to teach and motivate. I have met some wonderful people.
I am also satisfied and no longer have an empty space inside myself
So each to their own
http://uk.finance.yahoo.com/news/leading-british-entrepreneur-simon-dolan–degrees-are-worthless.html
love it or hate it, I love it. Marmite that is
Banana's, Marmite, Crusty Bread, Chicken, roast Parsnips
Banana's because I believe they eat them in heaven.
Marmite because you either love it or hate it, I love it.
Crusty bread with thick butter and marmite, oh God.
Chicken because I don't eat a lot of meat but I love Chicken with pasta.
and roast parsnips because they taste so lovely.
